ML2023 Memo #7: Funnels All the Way Down

To their fans, the sight of the Shining Swarm and Pinkies on the three steps together was a welcome throwback. But they were missing someone. In their post-podium walkabout chat, Sterling, Rosa, and Sheet had been joined by Pulsar, who was content with having advanced out of the heats. 

In the midst of a lively conversation about their plans for Halloween night, they were halted by Rezzy’s approach. They looked utterly frazzled, as if they’d been wandering aimlessly for a while. 

“I need to speak to Pulsar right now,” they said, offering no explanation. 

The four of them looked between each other. 

“Well, I’ve got to do that interview I was talking about,” Sterling said. 

“Team celebrations won’t wait for me,” Rosa added. 

“See you another time, then?” Sheet replied.

Everyone nodded, waving as they dissipated in different directions. 

Pulsar wasn’t expecting the conversation to begin with Rezzy dragging them into an unlit storage room, but they were willing to see where it went. 

“Pulsar,” Rezzy’s voice was haggard and tired. “I think we’re going to become the next Galacfifth.” 

“Ah, really?” 

“We’ve gotten fourth three times in a row, and we’re in fourth overall. Imagine if we’re fourth for a fourth time!” 

“Hmmmmm,” Pulsar mused. “In some places, the number four is associated with death or bad luck.” 

“That doesn’t make me feel any better!” 

Pulsar frowned. “Well, what do you want me to say?”

“I… if it does happen, what do we do?” 

“Try not to take it badly. Fans… they don’t mean it maliciously. They just have fun joking amongst themselves. And there are worse things to be known for than consistency.” 

“And if we’d prefer to be known for medalling?”  

Pulsar shrugged. “Then medal.” 

“Hmph,” Rezzy snorted. “Easier said than done.” 

Like clockwork, after every Marble League event the Shining Swarm would dial into the live post-event show hosted by Marbeat Mania, their No. 1 live fan podcast for both music and sport. 

Sterling had come to like Luster, the show’s host, over the past weeks. They were easy to talk to, and it was easy to see why their podcast was so popular. Now they finally had good news for them. 

STERLING: Check check. Can you hear me? 

LUSTER: Loud and clear. Let’s get straight on the air. 

STERLING: Right. 

LUSTER: One, two, three… Here on Marbeat Mania we’re proud to present Sterling, who took on the funnel endurance today! Now, tell the folks at home what you got. 

STERLING: Well, you most often hear about sterling silver… But I’m proud to say that this Sterling didn’t settle for less than a gold. 

LUSTER: Amazing! And it’s the second funnels gold you’ve earned in a row. 

STERLING: That’s right. I don’t want to speak too soon, but I think we’re on track to be one of the strongest funnels teams out there. 

LUSTER: I mean, the obvious question is: how on Marblearth are you producing these super-consistent results? 

STERLING: Well… In 2022, I practiced fundamentals extensively, looked at event theory and worked on my mindset. 

LUSTER: And this year? 

STERLING: Following my Sprint heat, I realized it’s not just about how good you are, but who you’re playing against. It’s even truer for funnels. I studied past Funnels events extensively to learn how the other strong competitors behave. Mo’s aggression, Sheet’s stamina… I took it all into account. That insight helped me win. 

LUSTER: That’s amazing. 

STERLING: You’re too sweet. 

LUSTER: Now, it’s still Halloween, so are the team having a spooky celebration tonight? 

STERLING: Mhm. We’re going to be attending a costume party with some of our friends in the League. 

LUSTER: Oooh, sounds exciting! I hope you have a wonderful time. We’ll be breaking for music now, and then we’ll be back with Sterling to rank each year’s funnel setups. Thanks for tuning into Marbeat Mania!

Sheet had been looking forward to the League Halloween party even before the Glaciers qualified. Not only did they have the perfect costume this year, but they’d finally talked the rest of their team into going as a group, each dressed as a folklore being from their region of origin. 

Their snow fairy costume had been warmly received, the snacks were flowing, and everyone seemed to be having fun. So it surprised them to hear the sound of muffled sobs from the bedroom of the house they’d rented out for the night. 

Sheet knocked gently on the door, careful not to startle whoever was inside. “It’s Sheet. Can I come in?” they asked. 

“Just go away. I don’t want you to rub your medal in my face.” 

That’s Cyan Eye’s voice, Sheet realized. 

“I wouldn’t do that. Should I tell your team you’re not doing great?” 

“No! Please don’t do that.” Their voice was tinted with an edge of panic. “I can’t face them. Not with how today went.” 

Sheet frowned. “It’s not an easy event. You tried your hardest.” 

“That’s not what White Eye thinks. When I went back to the changing rooms, they wouldn’t even look me in the eye.” 

They hadn’t heard the full story, but Sheet remembered Glide mentioning something about White Eye getting very frustrated in the coaches’ den.

“What’s the point of a reserve that can’t do individual events right? I’m useless.” 

“You’re far from useless! There’s so much more to being a reserve.”

In the momentary silence Sheet left, Cyan Eye’s sobbing ceased. 

“I get it if you don’t want to see your team. But if you’d like, we can go and take a walk and get some fresh air together, yeah?” 

Cyan Eye sniffled. “What about your team?” 

“I’m sure they’ll be able to have fun without me. It’s more important to me that you’re feeling alright.” 

“I… yeah, okay. Just let me get my bearings.” 

“Take all the time you need.” Sheet replied, smiling. 

Tucked away in a neon-lit basement karaoke room, Pinky Rosa was giving it their all in a rendition of Stayin’ Above, the legendary song about maintaining distance during funnel endurance events., ecstatic to be celebrating a second successive silver. 

When they settled down it was next to Pinky Panther, who’d been late to dinner thanks to their hosting of a detective game earlier in the night. Panther gave them a round of applause. 

“Amazing work, Rosa! You were formidable out there,” Panther congratulated them. Rosa wasn’t sure whether it was about the funnels or the karaoke. 

“Thank you! Another good performance and I might be eyeing that “Funnels God” nickname.” 

Promise giving them Funnels events over Panther had surprised them initially. But they’d trusted their team staff. 2022’s funnels had been disappointing, but their training was definitely paying off now. 

“About that…” Panther began, gazing into the distance as a quarrel broke out over what to sing next. “You deserve it.” 

“What?” Rosa exclaimed. “Are you sure? You were awfully proud of it.” 

“Yeah, but that’s not me anymore. I’m changing, shifting like the wind,” Panther mused. Clearly it was something they’d contemplated a lot. “Plus, I’ve been thinking of a new nickname anyway.” 

“Like what?” Rosa asked. 

“Pinky Panther, Master Detective. Sounds cool, right?” 

Rosa had to bite back a laugh. It certainly matched the original in ego. “Yeah. It totally suits you,” they said. 

“Great! Now all I need to do is solve the biggest mystery—of how we’re gonna get our second League championship.” 

Limelime rushes out of the Superhive Stadium, laughing maniacally. A concerned Heart follows them.

“Oh, this is gold!” Limelime exclaims, a wide grin on their face. “Rezzy failing to podium in the funnels?” 

“Uh, so what?” Heart asks.

“Well, they’re basically unmatched in the ol’ F.E.,” Limelime explains. “Except for maybe Pinky Panther. And you. You’re great at it, right?”

“I got fourth in the Showdown last year,” Heart says flatly. “Like Rezzy just did.”

“Oooops,” Limelime replies sheepishly.

“Why do you care so much?”

“Well, it’s the Racers. And I, uh, have a complicated relationship with Funnel Endurance specifically.”

“You placed last in it once, correct?”

Something flashes in Limelime’s eyes, then quickly fades. “Yeah, and Coach Keylime put me in M1 because I was so bad at it. I was happy to be there, but it still stung. A lot.” 

“Ah. My condolences.” 

“But hey, I don’t let it get to me! It’s water under the bridge now,” Limelime continues, their cheerful demeanor restored. “And it’s not like Goolime does any better,” they add under their breath.

“Right. But we should probably head back to our teams. They’ll be wondering where you dashed off to.”

Limelime laughs. “Ah, you’re probably right. Let’s go find ’em!”

A sound comes from a nearby bush, and the two marbles turn to see a startled young fan who had been hiding and didn’t expect to hear their name.

“Oh, hi there!” Limelime chirps cheerfully. “Who are you? Want an autograph?”

Credits

• Writers: Millim, Flamigiri
• Copyeditors/Editors: Edu G. J., Evolution, GhostDM
• Graphic Designers: Flamigiri
• Photographers: Jelle’s Marble Runs
• Reference: Marble League 2023 Event 7: Funnel Endurance | Jelle’s Marble Runs
• Release: 11/11/2023